I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
