She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
