Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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