Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
