I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
