brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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