Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
