You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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