Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
