i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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