Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
4 words: hood of his car
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
