just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
