Rock
Scissors
Fuck
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drunk is a universal language darling
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
