You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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