My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
