God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
