I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
