I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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