hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
