so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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