Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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