We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
