I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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