I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
