My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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