She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
