tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
