Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
