K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
