Nicole vs. Life
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
