At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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