I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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