Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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