brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize