She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize