where am i from again
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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