i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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