We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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