I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
