In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need to sanitize my soul.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
