:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
