I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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