Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We are two peas in an std pod
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
