You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize