it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
