I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
