she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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