so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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