This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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