wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You ruined the universe
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
