Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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