i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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