She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
