Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
