i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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