I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Pooping to opera.
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