She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
