For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
