I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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