You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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