After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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