im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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