Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
