We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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