it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
