i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
