I smell stomach acid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize