i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
