I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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