At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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